The only New Year's Resolution I am gonna make this year is to go to church regularly. I won't even say more regularly. Just regularly.

And maybe, stay in school. =D

i'm a wreck.

i fucking hate this. i get so depressed when im all alone its not even funny. and thn i start to get angry and everything and anyone. and that makes it all worse. its all one big fucking cycle.

I've never cried so hard in my entire life than I have this past year.

The only people who can hurt you are the people you care about and love, and being vulnerable tears down those barriers you took years to put up.

I guess I just shouldn't care anymore. Caring only brings hurt, so why bother.

Miracles happen.

Prayers get answered.

To God be the Glory.

the aching inside me

The power of the spoken word,
that fills your heart with urgent longing
and your vulnerable mind
with thoughts riddled with lustful desires
your common sense is eclipsed
your body is yearning
for that relief and heightened sensation.
The feelings keep coming back
snaking in
and etching itself firmly on to the walls of your soul
throbbing hard against your will
until you can take it no more

ah, damn you food cravings.

i miss you so much its hurting so bad

how come

those tears

they don't dry up

I never understood hurt like I do now.

dark

Sometimes I pretend you're the shadow on the wall, so I get to fall asleep right beside you, as always.

live.now.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."
- Babatunde Olatunji

Wish I could believe it with all my heart.

Because

Right now, all I need is that little faith in the present, strength to let the past go, and the eager anticipation of the mystery we call the future.

That place

Dreams are the only place I can commit unthinkable crimes, contradict social norms, and have absolutely no sense of moral ethics. Been there done that.

I wonder

If dreams are just a metaphor

Or really, an interpretation of your heart's deepest desires.

Just a few hours and I already miss you so much.

It'll get better each day.

I hope.

July.

I just watched a video that made me miss Summer in the US of A so much. The driving from state to state, the spontaneity, the crazy unexpected circumstances, and just being free and far away from the real world. Best feeling ever.

Wind

What happened to the girl who dreamed big dreams and wasn't afraid to follow them?
What happened to her courage and determination to tread paths unknown?
What happened to that teenage spunk that set her apart from the crowd?
What happened to that girl who never gave a thought about conforming?
What happened to that stubborn girl who drove some crazy but loved with all her heart?

Most importantly, what happened to her dreams, those big dreams that kept her awake at night, what happened to the wishing and striving for that 'one day'?
Where is that fire, that spirit, that boldness?
What happened?

Where is that girl?

life

As I get older, I realize that failures don't actually leave much of a stain on my life's canvas, no matter how blinding they may be at first. In fact, eventually, they'll turn out to be nothing more than a distant memory. The only regrets I had, will have, and continue to have is not trying it all.



p/s. i miss you.

empty

Sometimes, I really do wonder what I'm living for.

Don't we all?

branch

Love is a tricky subject.
Many people claim to love, yet shun gay love.

It is said that we ought to 'love people for who they are'.
In that case, shouldn't gender be out of the picture?
Otherwise, it should be 'love, only if the person is of the opposite gender'.

Straight love is perfectly fine.
But who are we to judge if gay love is right or wrong?

I don't want to sleep at night because I am afraid of my dreams.

Again.

I love my country, but I am not allowed to love it the way I should and want to - with bursting pride and patriotism.

Instead, I love it in that I secretly want to believe it will get better, and try to turn away from the blinding negatives and constantly remind myself to cherish the positives - like the food and Ahli Fiqir.

I don't count, I cherish.

I know they say boys come and go but friends are forever.

It seems to me that friends come and go. So it must be that this thing we have is forever.

This time, when I say I love you, I mean it.

Because,

I never fell head over heels in love with you - everyday, I love you more and more.

And,

I don't love you because... . I love you just because.

If I loved you for a reason, that would mean if the reason was gone, my love would be gone too.

Maybe this is how perfect love is, after all.