lemons schemelons

When life throws shit at you, turn it into compost.

happiness

Being happy is a gift only I can give myself. From having to look in the mirror and try my best to smile at least once each day, to greeting random strangers with a cheerful hello, I have come a long way.

I realize now that for once in a long time, I smile not because I have to anymore, but because I am truly happy.

a little smile goes a long way

I'm happy, and I know it.

I keep having to remind myself every single time that if someone doesn't want your help, there's nothing you can do about it, no matter how much you try.

Sometimes I wonder: Who's ego is bigger? Not wanting to receive help even in desperation, or wanting to help although the other party doesn't want you to, maybe because you feel like you can actually change something.

101st post

Oh, what a happy day!

That lovely warm fuzzy feeling inside, like my heart is wrapped in a blanket on a cold, snowy day.

I shall retire to bed now, and fall asleep with a happy, contented smile on my face.

dear juliana

Be your own person, deal with your own mistakes, and let not your decisions be based off others'. Forgiving frees your mind, letting go frees your heart, and having dreams frees your inhibitions. If you will never try to love life and laugh, no one can teach you how to.

emo nemo

some days, you just feel like smiling for no reason :)

i mean, there is a reason, but i'd just like to bask in the happy high.

:)

mistakes

Through mistakes, we grow up and learn what not to do, and what to never ever compromise.

growing up

Being called pretty or smart or similar compliments used to mean a lot. Like laughingly brushing it off and denying it kind of a lot. Now, I have come to terms with it and am able to graciously accept it and say thank you. I also realized today that it doesn't mean as much as it used to anymore.

Instead, having a good heart and staying humble is what matters most to me; qualities that I strive to have. And the fruits of the Spirit:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness, and
Self-control.

Being beautiful on the outside may be an advantage in the real world, but having a beautiful heart is what makes that beauty shine through. I have a long and possibly unending journey ahead of me, full of potholes and poisonous shrubs, but I will never want to stop trying.

Oh, the joys of maturing.

sidenote

Call it growing older or maturing with age, but I have come to a point in my life where little, petty stuff that used to matter, is now nothing more than a sidenote. I guess everyone eventually reaches a point like this in their life, or not.

With my environment and external influences constantly changing, somehow, I feel the need to preserve what's left inside me, to be true to myself, no matter what happens. Honesty, loyalty, and humility.

I have come to realize that the only opinions that matter are the opinions of people who matter to me. Everything else is irrelevant. Or at least I'm getting there.

talk about feelings

Overly sensitive boys are such a pain in the mental butt. Now, if only I could find a way to kick the imaginary butt out of my life forever.

sense

I just realized about 5 minutes ago, that personality and levels of sensitivity play a very important role in the success of a relationship, not only in the boy-girl sense, but also with platonic friendships as well.

Some people value attention above everything else, some value appearance, some value communication, some value physical closeness, some value sucess, drive, and ambition, and many other things, and some, like me, value trust, over everything else.

Argue all you may, but there is no one attribute more important than another. It all depends on your own personality, your upbringing, events that have shaped your life, influences from people who step in and out of your life, etc, and most importantly, that's what makes you your own unique person.

Maybe the key to a solid friendship or relationship is to understand that no two people are the same in this world. Heck, you can come awfully close, but you can never be two exact peas in a pod. There will always be something that seperates you from the other person, or a little thing that annoys you to no end. To understand that there are certain things that you will never understand about a friend or a partner, and ultimately, NOT trying to analyze or rationalize those differences.

And that, is where many (including myself, many times over) fail. Because, in my opinion, that is the hardest (and also most dangerous) part of intimate social interactions.

I just realized a few seconds ago, that I would rather seek personal/intellectual fulfilment in life, rather than social ones. I guess, I always thought of myself as rather 'handicapped' in the social department, but each man to his own. The world may be tough for people like that, but in the midst of a sea of umfamiliar faces, having a few smiling back at me is more than enough.

Jolene

"Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, jolene

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
Hes the only one for me, jolene

I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him even though you can
Jolene, jolene"

Such a simple, honest song, but rings so true.

heartache

It has been almost a month and im still not okay. Even when i know i have an exam the next day and i really need to study for it, my heartache is like a disease, it can never go away, and it hits the most at times when i need it to be furthest thing from my mind.

On a blanket in VTH:
"Love is not love until you give it away."

But what if you never get it back, ever? How much then should you give away at once?
And if you don't give away all of your love at once, is that even love at all anyway?

What if someone took your heart, ran it through the washer and dryer, aired it out in the sun, and gave you back an empty shell? What do you do with it then?

Do you try to fill it up again?

Or do you throw it away and build a new one from scratch?

When someone close to your heart leaves, it leaves a void that can never be filled. That's the reason why I hardly let anyone in in the first place. When I finally opened up my heart, I got it ripped to pieces. I can regret all I want, but I can never undo my past.

Now, I finally see the truth in the saying, "If it's meant to be, it's meant to be".

Once in a while, something comes along that you are willing to give up everything to fight for. It means so much to you that you do all you can to make it work. But sometimes, the willingness to fight for it is just not enough. Eventually there comes a point when you just know that it's not worth it to keep fighting anymore. Deep inside, you just know that there's nothing you can do anymore no matter how hard you try. That's when letting go happens.

It takes two to tango.

on days when you don't feel like doing anything,

or talking to anyone,

but you know you got to,

just put on a brave face,

AND SMILE.

although it feels forced and painful,

JUST SMILE.

and everything will be okay.

JUST ONE MORE DAY.

If only words could be unsaid, unread, unwritten.

Then, hearts could be unbroken.