empty

Sometimes, I really do wonder what I'm living for.

Don't we all?

branch

Love is a tricky subject.
Many people claim to love, yet shun gay love.

It is said that we ought to 'love people for who they are'.
In that case, shouldn't gender be out of the picture?
Otherwise, it should be 'love, only if the person is of the opposite gender'.

Straight love is perfectly fine.
But who are we to judge if gay love is right or wrong?

I don't want to sleep at night because I am afraid of my dreams.

Again.

I love my country, but I am not allowed to love it the way I should and want to - with bursting pride and patriotism.

Instead, I love it in that I secretly want to believe it will get better, and try to turn away from the blinding negatives and constantly remind myself to cherish the positives - like the food and Ahli Fiqir.

I don't count, I cherish.

I know they say boys come and go but friends are forever.

It seems to me that friends come and go. So it must be that this thing we have is forever.

This time, when I say I love you, I mean it.

Because,

I never fell head over heels in love with you - everyday, I love you more and more.

And,

I don't love you because... . I love you just because.

If I loved you for a reason, that would mean if the reason was gone, my love would be gone too.

Maybe this is how perfect love is, after all.

fail

I had a dream the other day. Weird, as usual. I was attending someone's wedding on the beach, beautiful beach, great scenery. And then a baby dolphin washed up on the sand. It was a dirty blue color, looked like one of those life-sized toy dolphins, except this was real life. So, I spent the whole wedding trying to save the baby dolphin. I don't remember much about the outcome, but I think it died anyway.

my 4 years

One day in the far future when I sit on the porch, sip coffee, and look back at my life, I'll find that my years of studying for a degree were years wasted. Might as well make full use of it to explore the world while I can.

Ele-e-ele-vator

Had a pretty weird dream last night. I think I should start writing all my weird dreams down.

I was in a wheelchair, so apparently something happened to my walking abilities. I was with two friends and we were having fun going up and down the ramps in some building, right up to the 5th floor or so. It looked like one of Purdue's old buildings. We stopped by lecturers' offices to chat along the way. We were having the time of our lives. Then, we decided to race up; not your conventional style of racing - they decided to put me in the elevator and both of them would rush up the stairs from the third to the fifth floor and see who reaches first. So I got into the tiny elevator, which only fitted me just right. The elevator started moving and lo and behold, it was one of the scariest experiences in my life. It started jerking, but that was okay. The elevator in my dream was one of a kind - it had two strings holding it up and although the floor was metal, I could see through the elevators. Suddenly one string broke and I was in that damn elevator, right in the middle of two doors, hanging by a string that looked like it could break any time.

And like all dreams, I woke up.

What defines me?

My laziness?
The inability to persevere and complete and mission?
The fickleness?

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." Mark Twain

Sister Carrie

I came across a paragraph in Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser:

"People in general attach too much importance to words. They are under the illusion that talking effects great results. As a matter of fact, words are as a rule the shallowest portion of all the argument. They but dimly represent the great surging feelings and desires which lie behind. When the distraction of the tongue is removed, the heart listens."

So true.